Listening skills determine how successful people are in their professional lives because it is the most important component of communication. Everyone likes and appreciates to be listened to. This blog focuses on understanding the importance of listening skills, and how they can be beneficial and gradually developed. Moreover, how understanding others’ thoughts and feelings will help us to become better communicators.
Understanding Listening Skills
Definition and Components
Listening skills are those abilities that help us to receive and understand messages in the act of communication. Listening differs from hearing in that it’s an active process, while hearing is passive or receptive.
Active Listening refers to paying not only semantic attention to the content of what is being said (as with hearing), but also to the pragmatic aspects of it – ie, give your full attention to the speaker, make eye contact, and react by nodding or saying ‘uh-huh’ when appropriate.
Empathetic Listening is about the feelings behind the speaker’s words. The listener tries to understand what the speaker is feeling and hears the words through the feelings. We often get caught up in the opinions of the other, but through listening empathetically you tune into emotions, which lie behind words and introduce you to the other person.
Critical Listening is about listening with an evaluative purpose. It can be thought of as two-fold: hearing and understanding the message plus a critical assessment of it.
Difference Between Hearing and Listening
Hearing is described as the process by which an organism detects sound vibrations through its ear and transfers the stimuli to the brain. This is something that happens to us and is involuntary.
Whereas listening is a process of engagement of cognition. Listening means that the brain integrates what it ‘hears’, putting it together in such a way as to create meaning, to make ‘sense’. Good listening means being present, choosing to listen, and working to listen.
Simply hearing is passive, but listening is active. When we’re listening, we are engaged in the exchange; we pick up on the verbal and non-verbal cues around us, we understand the context of what’s being said, and we respond accordingly. (Hearing is transient; it comes and goes.) Listening involves deciphering the meaning of what’s being said.
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Benefits of Good Listening Skills
Building Strong Relationships
Listening helps to build rapport in relationships, because active listening conveys to people that they are worth hearing, and their feelings and thoughts are of value to someone. It thus builds trust.
It can also help strengthen close friendships and relationships, where listening to someone’s problems can show that you care and help give them solace. In a work environment, listening to colleagues can spur better teamwork and a more collaborative atmosphere.
Examples abound in both domains. A manager who listens to his or her team will build a better team and more engaged colleagues. A spouse who listens well becomes a better spouse.
Enhancing Understanding and Clarity
Listening well has the downstream benefit of reducing miscommunication and misunderstanding. With good listening practices, there’s little to no of what the author calls ‘metacommunication’, meaning anything someone has to add to the message that they already sent because you, the listener, came up short.
At the office, communicating well is key – for example, if you listen carefully to other people, perhaps to your clients, during the meeting, you will avoid making mistakes or misunderstanding what they say. While at home, listening can prevent those conflicts arising from miscomprehension: if you know perfectly well what you are saying, and the person listening understands what you mean, it is going to be easier to find a solution for each problem.
Some examples of good examples of clear communication could include a project manager who actively gathers input from the team on working timelines and adjusts the plans to accommodate, or a parent who listens to their children’s feelings to better understand problem-solving purposes.
Improving Problem-Solving Abilities
Listening actively also helps to solve problems because it allows you to first clearly grasp the problem, and then find its proper cause so that you can consider ways to address it.
Good listening skills are also a key element of collaborative problem-solving. Listening to team members before coming to a decision ensures that the input of each team member is taken into consideration, resulting in innovative solutions.
For instance, in an organisational context, a manager who listens to staff members’ ideas communicates changes to optimise procedures and foster employee engagement. Likewise, in personal settings, a partner who listens to another’s grievances can find a compromise to address concerns.
Barriers to Effective Listening
Environmental Distractions
Various sources of environmental noise can also play a role in hindering listeners. It can be incredibly challenging to listen carefully if there’s other noise in the air, like traffic, café chatter or background music, as well as if you’re expected to stay attentive to the speaker’s words in the face of a widely open door or with loud phone ringing.
Where possible, try to catch up on calls in a quiet location so there are fewer distractions, and, if interruptions are likely, set yourself boundaries by explaining to others that you need some uninterrupted time. Where feasible, noise-cancelling headphones can be used in noisy environments.
Psychological Barriers
These include psychological factors such as prejudices, biases and emotional filters, which can influence our listening and interpretation. For example, prejudices or biases can prompt us to disregard or misconstrue an incoming message based on misconceptions we already hold about those with whom we are communicating. Emotional filters, including stress or anger, likewise have the potential to bias us against listening effectively.
You can overcome these obstacles with self-awareness and a bit of mindfulness. Recognise your own biases and work to set them aside as best you can, for as long as you need during a conversation. Empathise with the speaker, not by agreeing with them, but by seeking to understand where they’re coming from on their terms, avoiding judgments of right and wrong as much as possible. Mindfulness techniques (take a few deep breaths, focus on your inhales and exhales, on sensory details in the room, and your own emotions) can clear your mind and allow you to listen more effectively and freely.
Physical Barriers
Even physical barriers to listening, such as poor hearing or fatigue, can render you a less competent listener. You attend to fewer details of the information transmitted and process it less quickly if you can’t hear well, or become less attentive when you are tired.
The upper layer addresses physical barriers to listening by taking preemptive steps to optimise your listening environment and physical condition. Wear or use hearing aids or assistive devices if you have hearing loss. Adequate rest before an important conversation or discussion can make all the difference.
Take a break when listening fatigue is making it difficult to pay attention.
Techniques to Improve Listening Skills
Active Listening
Active listening requires that you participate in the speaker’s communication to receive their message. Which means that it involves much more than passive hearing. It’s about being with someone when they’re speaking to you. A basic technique for active listening is to make eye contact. As you do, nod your head occasionally to signal that you are following the speaker’s train of thought and that you are receiving their message.
A further and related active listening technique is restating what you have heard. Again the aim is to make sure the speaker feels heard while checking you have understood them. So you might be paraphrasing: ‘So what I hear you saying is …’
Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening takes listening to the next level by focusing on the feelings of the speaker as he or she relates to the listener. This means that one puts themselves in the shoes of the other in trying to understand their feelings about the situation and relate to them. When we practise empathy with a listener in a conversation, we can connect to the speaker at a much deeper level, and make them feel important, listened to, and carried by another’s attention.
In our listening, we mirror what we think the person is feeling. For example: ‘It sounds like you’re feeling hurt…’ This kind of validation can be soothing. It helps the other person feel seen, and can often lead to more sharing. And when we reflect, we must mirror what the other gives us without hurry or disapproval, or trying to fix anything. If we don’t like what the other is saying, it doesn’t matter: we’re just mirroring.
Critical Listening
Critical listening is listening to the content of the message and making judgments about the message’s meaning and implications. It means not taking things at face value but asking questions about what is being said. One of the best techniques in critical listening is asking questions. These can be simple factual questions such as ‘What did you say?’ It may seem simple, but clarifying what is being said is one of the most common questions a listener needs to ask.
For example, ‘What precisely do you mean by …?’ or ‘How did you reach that conclusion?’ In general, being open to further explanation is a great way to find out more about what someone’s talking about. Asking the speaker to clarify things if something isn’t clear is also important. ‘Wait, what?’ is a common line in our lives, so don’t be afraid to ask if something isn’t clear to you.
Practical Applications of Listening Skills
In the Workplace
Good listening skills contribute to better productivity among coworkers and improve leadership. When leaders listen to their team members, they develop an environment of trust and teamwork. When employees understand they are being heard, they feel valued, share their opinions, and provide feedback to their supervisors.
For example, at Google and Apple, where an open style of communication and active listening is part of the corporate culture, improved innovation and employee satisfaction have been noted. Effective listening among leaders can help spot problems earlier, support staff better, and make better decisions.
In Personal Relationships
Listening to friends and family assures them that you care and, by listening closely and thoughtfully, you avoid many misunderstandings and can form tighter bonds with people. When you listen closely and patiently, you are affirming their feelings and experiences.
Real-world examples include couples who are good at listening to each other and so have closer, more supportive relationships; friends who listen to each other empathetically so that during a rough patch in someone’s life, they will be better able to support them; and perhaps even parents who listen to their children’s concerns and so are better able to manage them.
In Conflict Resolution
I believe that listening actively and empathetically can sometimes also help to de-escalate a conflict and find a peaceful resolution. Through listening to the other parties involved, one can often get to the root of a conflict. Because emotions dissipate upon active listening, parties involved in a conflict are likely to think about their conflicts and find other, more productive ways to address their conflicts.
Techniques such as paraphrasing to show that one has heard what the other has said, or reflecting on the feelings that underlie a position (‘I can see why you feel that way’), can help to resolve the dispute. In the mediation session, effective listening by the mediator can enable both parties to reach a mutually agreeable solution. Such listening gives a better understanding of what is at issue, and therefore an idea of where common ground might be found.
Training and Development
Professional Development Programs
Although employee suggestions are valuable and directors should consider all ideas, many colleges lack the mechanism necessary to provide employees with a structured forum for communication. Possible solutions to this issue could include professional development programmes – like workshops, seminars, etc – where individuals would practise active, empathetic listening and critical listening tools through demonstrations, interactive activities, role-plays, simulations, or case studies.
Employee workshops on listening skills can teach learners valuable tools and techniques for immediate use in improving their communication. Seminars led by experienced trainers can also share new insights into listening and highlight how it can influence the workplace.
Offering staff training to enhance their listening skills will provide many benefits to a company. Investing in training may help improve teamwork in the company and enhance the work experience and engagement of employees. This will ultimately lead to a better environment for the staff and can improve overall productivity.
Self-Improvement Strategies
On the other hand, if you want to improve your art of listening, do seek out a copy of The Art of Listening (1942) by Erich Fromm and, more recently, Just Listen (2008) by Mark Goulston. There are plenty of books and online courses to teach you.
Online courses, such as those offered by Coursera.org and Udemy.com, also offer the chance to learn systematically through a set series of lectures and tasks. Online courses, syllabus programmes or other structured classes can be supplemented with practice exercises and tasks in real-world contexts to develop listening skills.
You might add some listening rituals to your daily life. For example, put aside listening time for at least 10 minutes every day. Put on your Pandora channel ‘Silence’, listen to some ambient sound, find inspirational musical moments and savour the silence for a few minutes. Practice staying in the moment when you’re with other people; listening mindfully and often. Think of listening as something that needs to be practised, not just on and off like a light switch. Get feedback from others on your listening skills.
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Conclusion
Good listening skills are vital for effective communication and are central to human relations, both personal and professional. Practising listening skills can help you to grow in relationships, improve at solving problems, and make your workdays and interactions with others better. You, too, can start to see a shift in your communication and relationships when you work on becoming a better listener. Actively work on improving your listening and you will see your communication skills and your relationships improve, too. Pay attention – your listening might make a difference in your every day.